Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
