your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
