i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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