the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
