i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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