I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
