I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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