At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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