The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
