I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
