He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
