I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
