dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
