just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
