He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
