so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
