Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
