Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
