I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
