Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
