So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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