Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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