she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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