i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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