remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
