Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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