I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
