also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I want is dick and wine.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
