I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
