How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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