the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
