Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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