I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
