Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
