I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
