I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
