I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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