google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
