Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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