Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
