he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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