So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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