My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
