ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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