So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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