My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
