The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
