i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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