he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
