we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
