No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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