I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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