The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
